All I want

I look away when I feel you watching,
a dream state enters my being.
Your thoughts pervade my soul
and I feel exposed.
Your thoughts are seeking.
I know what you are thinking.

All I want to do is hide.
Not get close.
I feel so betrayed by my being.
Scared thoughts thrive,
I hope you don't believe I am here.
I'm not!
I'm running scared.

All I want is to say hello,
to chat once in a while,
to know
that I am not alone.
Please don't ask too much of me,
I can't handle this pressure
I'm not who you think I am,
I am small and unreal.

I write well,
talk smart
and lack the ability to do anything.
My inexperience drowns me.
I am just one boy,
being.
I am learning so much,
fearing so much more.
Give me space,
give me time,
I ask for no more.

All I want is understanding.

~ Marcus

(this poem reflects a change of style as I try and escape the web I have created on the internet. I had no idea it would be like this. With so many people needing so much from me. I don't understand. I'm just a boy, growing, wanting, to be a man.)

A dream like state of mind ...

Tait Hughes Geijer - BMG Models LA

I am not, who you want me to be, 
I am only me, you see? 
I am not, in a dream 
and more real, or so it seems. 

So please just let me be me. 


I share with those, that I like, 
a little more, of my life. 
But please, I do implore, 
please don't ask for any more, 

I feel carved up with a knife. 

I put my feelings, out on show, 
but only with those I know.
Will I ever lay bare, 
the things I guard fair?

Or let you into my life?


So please understand, 
As I turn into a man.  
I need to hold back 
and cover the cracks;

or be undone ... and disband.

The Shallow Man

The shallow man he stands side on, 

he disappears and then he's gone. 

His false facade and gentle lies, 

come to me as no surprise. 

His thin veneer is so see through, 

his awkward smile is one I knew. 

He thinks the web he spins does shine 

and all the time we know he's lying. 

With painted spots and silver stripes 

he tries to dazzle with delight. 

But comes the morn' and golden sun, 

his lies, his tales, 

they come undone.

When I Was Young

When I was young I used to stand, 

beside a man and hold his hand. 

I used to feel so safe you see. 

With him beside, my heart set free. 

But slowly, as I, did start, to grow, 

the man, I did, then get, to know. 

A shallow man with no esteem, 

no pity in his eyes that gleamed. 

A vicious man who loved to beat, 

he lived his life, drunk in retreat. 

I dropped his hand and edged away. 

I knew that I could never stay. 

I left him stand upon his own, 

as I did venture out alone. 

I found my way to this new nest, 

a mortal wound inside my breast. 

I found new hands all warm with love, 

and decided time to rise above. 

I now live life as best I can, 

to grow into a better man.